Tuesday, February 9, 2016

My imperfect body

Well, being home with a newborn around the house the past several weeks has really allowed me to just be chill.  Natural.  Sweatpants.  Race shirts.  Sports bras.  No makeup.  Sometimes I shave - sometimes I don't.  Did I brush my teeth before my morning coffee?

Since I started running again at 2.5 weeks post-partum, I've been aiming for five days a week on the treadmill.  And I'm trying to do fitness videos two or three times each week.  It's been really easy to get back into it.

Running in your basement with a six week old infant and a dog as your only spectators, you're allowed to look how you want.  And wear what you want.  I've been really pushing myself and cranking up the speed the past week.  It gets hot!  So, I put out some fans near the treadmill to keep me cool.  Today, I also opted to just where my sports bra.  I would never run in a sports bra at the gym or while trekking miles outside.  But, in my basement I felt comfortable.  It's a safe-zone.  So ... why am I posting these photos on my blog?  I have no idea.  Maybe just to prove to others that they aren't alone.  That we can all be successful and goal-driven.  Have confidence in certain situations.  But everyone feels vulnerable.  Everyone has insecurities.

Yup, that's back fat right there.  Yes, it's gross.  No, I don't like it.  But, I'm working on it.  I have no makeup on.  But I am sporting a great post-workout glow.  I'll get back into a tight fitting running top soon and won't have to sport my oversized technical tops out on a run.  It will happen.

That sports bra that I decided to put on solo is also sporting nursing bra pads.  I'm nursing and pumping about ten times a day and being a busy mom to three great kids.  I'm making time for everyone and meeting their needs.  But, I'm also fitting in time for myself.  And meeting my needs.  
I am wearing high waist running tights, because they are the only thing that won't slide-down over my mid-section right now.  There are areas of my body that I'd just like to pinch and make them go away.  Take a chunk here and toss a handful there.  But we all know that isn't going to happen. I need to get on that treadmill, put in the hard work, put in the miles.  I need to fuel my body properly for those workouts, too.  No one is going to do it for me.
There is what's left of my baby weight.  It jiggles when I run.  The pounds aren't melting away.  And I am working hard to get rid of it.  I will eventually be able to zip up a pair of pants once I return to work next month.  I know it will happen.  I just need to keep working at it.
My body is painted with stretch marks.  Many from abuse of my body when I was younger - from being bulimic during junior high to gaining fifty pounds my senior year of high school.  Yo-yo dieting in my twenties.  Several from the beautiful births of each of my three children.  Some near my belly, some hidden on my thighs, others around my chest and under my arms.  They are there.  There is no denying it.  So let's just embrace them, shall we?!
My imperfect body has allowed me to log around 100 miles already since my little one was born less than seven weeks ago.  In four weeks, I have logged 100 miles.  That is more than most people will log in their lifetime.  I am embracing my body and it's imperfections.  I am embracing what it does for me.  I am logging each of those miles on my own.  No one is going to do it for me. 
I was not blessed with "skinny genes" that will allow me to fit comfortably in "skinny jeans".  I will never be considered "thin" or "tiny.  Even when I get to my "goal weight" or my "goal size", there will still be things that I will want to change on my imperfect body.  Let's be realistic.  But I'm still striving to be the best version of me.  And live life fully with what I have.  What I have been given.  And what I make of it.  Confidence and pride are contagious.  And I want her and my other children to catch it ...


  1. You are truly an inspiration to all of us mothers, whether we just had our babies or our babies are in there adult years!!! CONGRATS on your BEAUTIFUL baby girl!!!

  2. You are truly an inspiration to all of us mothers, whether we just had our babies or our babies are in there adult years!!! CONGRATS on your BEAUTIFUL baby girl!!!

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  4. You are doing great and look great! Keep up the hard work and we'll get there together!

  5. So positive and energetic...inspirational!