Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Do you ever have mom guilt? Sometimes, I just want to snuggle this little munchkin to pieces. I want to hold her forever. When she's awake, I want to bounce her on my lap or play peek-a-boo until she's sick of it. But her being #3, I've also learned a few things over the past twelve years. She can't be held all of the time. She needs to learn to be a little independent human-being. The earlier that I show her that she can entertain herself and that I am still close-by and that she's safe, the easier things will hopefully be as she grows and develops into a toddler and later an independent and confident young woman.
Sometimes I get sad when I see these big, blue eyes staring at me from the treadmill. I should go pick her up. I should run later. But, as I mentioned in some previous posts, she's watching me. She's observing my every move. Literally.
It's so easy to make excuses. I still try to time things "right". But sometimes, she doesn't nap when I think she will. Or she wakes up during my run. Sometimes her pacifier falls out of her mouth, and I stop the treadmill without hesitation to give it to her and make her content. Then, I hop back on and push start while she coos next to me. Occasionally, I will break my run into two - or three - short runs just to get a few miles in and still keep her happy as she observes my every step on the treadmill. And that's ok. She's watching me "fit it all in". She's observing early.
Mom guilt may never go away. I still try to do most of my workouts or commitments when my older two are at their other household. But, this little one will be with me 100% of the time now. I'm looking forward to pushing her in the jogging stroller as she gets older and taking her on little running adventures outdoors. I want her to explore our city on foot, in a whole new way. Visit new trails and playgrounds. Embrace nature together. I want her to travel with us to destination races and see new sites and cities, just because running has brought us there.
And she seems happy to be along on this little running journey with me.