Friday, December 12, 2014

Thinking Out Loud

A friend once told me over a run that when he found love again, he wanted to have that kind of deep love where you would greet each other each evening with a hug, a kiss and then a slow dance.  Taking a break from the craziness of life ... together.  I thought it was kind of a crazy thought at the time.  But, I've held that concept with me for the past three years.  Since that run, my friend and I have both been lucky enough to find love in the best of partners.  The best kind of love.
I love music.  I love quotes.  I love lyrics.  I love words.  Dozens and dozens of itunes got me through a difficult time in my life four years ago.  Upbeat music got me through tough workouts that I needed for my version of therapy.  Emotional tunes got me through emotional times.  Endearing lyrics gave me hope.
When I met my husband three years ago, we took my friend's suggestion.  We would slow dance in the living room of my apartment.  We would embrace each other and take a pause in our day to enjoy each other.  Fast forward three years and the slow dances still exist - but they have become more infrequent over time.  Life gets busy.  Life gets in the way.  Being an adult is exhausting.  And, with the holidays here, life is busier than ever.

The other day I fell in love with Ed Sheeran's new song, Thinking Out Loud.  The lyrics reminded me why I fell in love with my husband.  Why he fell in love with us.  Not just me, but my two children, too.  It reminded me to be present.  To live in the moment.  I am such a planner and am always thinking ahead. Sometimes, all it takes is five minutes of slowing-down ... and dancing.
A slow dance, lit by the lights of the Christmas tree, steps instructed by Ed Sheeran's lyrics, was just what I needed.  What we needed.
And, just like Ed Sheeran ... it's causing me to Think Out Loud ...

I feel so blessed for this life.  This life we are creating together is more than happy, smiling faces posted on social media.  We are more than finish line photos with great big smiles.  We are more than posed family photos in color coordinated outfits.  It's the "good stuff" behind the scenes that makes me blessed.  The uncaptured moments.

It's about the everyday things we share together.  It's about the great moments we share as a family.  And the struggles that we embrace and discuss.  The blending of families.  The struggles with raising two children - two children that are not your own. 
I am always amazed by your touch.  The kissing of my hand or on my forehead when you know that I need it.  The way we look in each other's eyes and my eyes fill with tears.  How you embrace me and breathe in the moment.  I didn't know that love like this existed.
I love how we don't raise our voices.  How the kids express and observe that we don't raise our voices.  How they see you hug me and want to be a part of it.
How we talk about things.  How we react.  And when we don't react well, that we talk about it again and make things right. 
The financial struggles.  The financial triumphs.  The good choices.  The bad decisions. 
I love how you help me navigate parenting, while realizing that you are not their father.  How you are involved, but realize your boundaries.  How you suggest, but don't enforce.  How you praise, redirect and love.
I truly believe that I've found a partner.  Not just a husband.  We are a team.  I didn't just find you.  I chose you.  And you chose me.  You chose us.

I've told you that I wish I'd found you sooner in life.  But you remind me that everywhere we've been has led us to each other.  To this point in our lives.  We weren't ready for this amazingly, wonderful life together.  That's why you ended up back here.  Maybe we both had to endure the struggles and hardships to make us appreciate this life we are creating together. 
As Ron Pope's lyrics sang during our wedding ceremony, "Even after all this time, there's nothing else I'll ever find in this whole wide world that can shake me like you do.  There's truth of something so sublime, that there aren't words yet to describe, the beauty of this life I've made with you.".
I'm so appreciative for the past three years together.  I am overly excited about the possibility that our future holds together.
But, most importantly, I'm thankful for the present.
For today.
With you.

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